Been Caught Wankin' Paroles

Been caught wankin'

It's probably pretty Freudian,
But it's happened to every man:
Someone walks too suddenly in
And you're left standin' with a silly grin
And your dodger's still in your hand.

I just been readin' N.M.E
'Bout what lately has got cred -
Look, it's true that it might just be me
But I tell you what, as far as I can see
They're massaging Kojak's head.

He's a bloke you could meet any day -
Last names? - why not just drop it?
"Tom and Nicole," he'll often say
In his own familiar nice bloke way.
Hey Ray - get your hand off it.
You had to be heartless not to laugh.

Why is it just so hard not to gag
When a rock star adopts some big issue?
"No animal cruelty," they're likely to brag
But later they'll put a trout up some slag -
For godsakes, who's used all the tissues?

A bad boy image does no one real harm,
So by all means, go be caught stealin';
Go be caught crackin' car alarms,
Be caught with a needle stuck up your arm -
Just don't be caught with spoof on the ceilin'.