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• Artiste: David Roth
• Titre: Magic Pill
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These days one has to stay on top of science and technology Not easy for a Renaissance romantic such as I Who shies away from medicine, in fact I am most reticent Concerning drugs and docs, but I know why My father was the same, a man of very simple living He had only kept two products in his bathroom medicine place One one shelf Super Poly-Grip for fastening his dentures On the other shelf was Preparation H One morning after late night poker stumbling round his powder room He needed both, God know what he was thinking For what was on one shelf was what he had thought was on the other And for weeks his lower cheeks were gripped While all his teeth were shrinking I prefer a naturopath, massage and acupuncture Or a stress-reducing weekend in the waters of Niagara But the scientists have turned my head, ten bucks a pop and off to bed So down the hatch and up you go, Viagra Viagra, Viagra Incredible, impotent magic pill Viagra, Viagra For what would not before now surely will As good as life can ever get, a grown-up guy's Erector Set Demand so high the docs can barely fill Our glances meet across the bar, we wink in sync and there we are "Don't worry," I confide "I'm on the pill." Things were going really great, I started staying up so late That like my father, mornings found me stumbling in the loo And like my daddy did one day, I mixed the bottles up, oy, vay A different sort of circumstance ensued It happened in the symphony, my gal and I had gone for free Through tickets from a friend in the orchestra I thought I'd planned ahead so well, until a leaky feeling fell I realized I'd ODed on Olestra Olestra, Olestra A minor side effect is diarrhea Diarrhea is not your best friend Even though it comes out okay in the end I jumped right up, or so I thought, but all my efforts were for naught For every move I made was in slow motion And then it hit me like a wall, I'd mixed 'em up and mixed 'em all And chased it with Prozac and Rogaine lotion My toes were turning stiff and I was struck with oral leakage I grew hair in places I could not conceive of, so to speak I cursed my slurry slothy self and went back to my bathroom shelf And tossed 'em all away and took a week to clean my system Viagra Olestra Diarrhea Be on your guard Just one more new trick For a really big kick There are some things you should sometimes disregard And I never knew that life could be this hard