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• Artiste: David Roth
• Titre: Cheesecake
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Helen Johnson made a lovely piece of cheesecake And the folks would come from miles around to sample her delights Some swore it was the cracker crust and some the sour cream But Helen Johnson kept her secret locked up tight Late one night upon returning from her shopping a the market Helen Johnson propped her groceries right there by the kitchen sink Unloaded secret cheeses in a pile there by the window And proceeded to sit down to have a drink It was just then that her next door neighbor hit his outdoor porchlight And through the kitchen window cast a beam across the cheeses Helen Johnson dropped her lemonade, for there upon the fridge door Was the spitting image silhouette of Jesus "It's a sign, have mercy on my soul, a sign" cried Helen Johnson "I've been waiting all my life for such a vision, such a sight" And with her eyes transfixed upon that white and ghostly cooling unit She began her lonely vigil late that night She awoke there in the kitchen sometime early the next morning Not remembering just quite what was all the bother But there it was again, and now this time in broadest daylight An authentic Sears and Roebuck Holy Father Soon the party lines in Chapel Grove were buzzing with excitement And all roads to Helen's driveway were backed up for several miles Opinions flew like flocks of birds in every which direction Some saw smudges, some saw smears, and some saw smiles The Governor soon arrived there with the Mayor and someone else 'n They began to theorize what they were thinkin' The former said the silhouette looked more like Willy Nelson But the latter two were leaning towards Abe Lincoln "It's a sign, have mercy on my soul, a sign" cried Helen Johnson But the minister of Chapel Grove dissented his defiance "It's nothing personal Helen, but the coming of the Lord" he said Won't be on someone's major home appliance." Well, the brouhaha, the hubbub, the commotion and the rumpus Took an awfully awfully long time to die down and go away But Helen was inspired, she was cranking out those cheesecakes 'Cause she sold about two dozen that first day And there every day thereafter, the demand was growing higher Such that every home in Chapel Grove was helping with the chore And soon the daily count was up to seven hundred sixty nine So Helen opened up a cheesecake store Of course everyone in Chapel Grove was giving free advice now Telling Helen what she should or shouldn't do there on her own And the need to advertise got Helen Johnson thinking twice now So she called up Sam the Sign Man on the phone "I need a sign, have mercy on my soul, a sign" cried Helen Johnson "Can you make me up a sign that's made to order" Sam reflected, he was clever, once he lived in New York City, said "I think so, but the name it should be shorter." Well, to make a lengthy story brief, she did what Sam suggested And the net result would ultimately please here For where others saw confusion Helen Johnson saw her Savior Right there on the front door of her kitchen freezer "It was a sign, have mercy on my soul, a sign" reflected Helen Who became a wealthy person with her favorite recipe For Helen Johnson had the common sense to put her faith in cheeses And went on to change her name to "Sarah Lee"