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• Artiste: Ben Simon
• Titre: All The Wrong Dudes
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The right fielder's catching lefty The Dodger's sockets are red The stadium cheers for lions Good Time Religion's dead Here comes the pity monger He receives that one man's wave He's eighteen hundred on the asphalt He's eighteen years old in his grave And the scene kids and the skinheads All walk through the monger's shoes As the Umpire of America's game Becomes one of the wrong dudes The prom date scowls at the beatnik They argue about gambling and scores The poet fancies himself a player His cohort fancies him a whore Then into the scene pops eye candy The muses forget to stand straight Now his pockets are full of molehills And his stomach reeks of dumb weight And the Aryan war hawk opens his mouth And toggles bohemians' moods So the Pope hits home, he calls himself Rome He's now one of the wrong dudes Now the whitefish are so common They convince pike and carp to switch The salmon struggles lightly But is no match for the clutches of the witch All take her man's name while swooning Especially the damsel in the dress Everybody's forgiven the bigger fish And forgotten the salmon's quest So the leaders of this fertile pack Invite the Brownies to the tree while nude And the snake is crowned the mountain king By all of the wrong dudes The madam lures her lone wench For them I'm nervous yet thrilled I've never yet been to heaven But two of my selves have been killed She speaks of glory from hardship But I'm not learning anything new She says I've still got lots to learn I say I'll learn as I do And all I can see is the reddest of lights That by saying “yes” says “no” so rude As the freedmen face more slavery Thanks to all of the wrong dudes Madoff and Manny in one man With his neon signs appearing free Charges his cousin twenty-eight grand Though no employees agree Now his cult run a lap to paradise But that same road leads to the dark Ever since Noah shut his doors To the last animal to knock on the ark You would not think that handsome cat Possessed ancient habits so crude His kin now dreams of vengeance Upon all of the wrong dudes Dr. Bork, he knows no poetry Tell me how he aced his prose He keeps his practice in the quack tabloids And his trembling patients in rows Now his star pupil is in handcuffs Or so that kid's mother blabbed And she also helped that physician To hail fifty million cabs They all despise a wise teacher They're underpaid until they're sued And the Umpire favors the horsemen And all of the wrong dudes Across the street the fashion police Chase after the alien queen The loudest and fastest white girls Are given second chances by the Dean I heard one cop make a comment That put all the Mexicans down Nowadays it's damn near illegal To be a Mexican in a white town And the liberal elitists shout “Democracy” But they want that as much as fast food They also blame Israel as much as Iran does They blame all of the wrong dudes All of these hip new hopers Know that their Umpire's black But they love how he avoids Ebonics So they'd cut his brother no slack And they call their music “indie” And they call their cannabis “bud” That music and weed once belonged to others Who now grumble in the mud Where have all the good people gone? Slim Shady's presence is lewd The elite will grab anything and ruin it For the consumption of the wrong dudes The Umpire is not a bad man But he's on the political see-saw's top The elephants are on the see-saw's base Soon their suffering will stop The Umpire got a new puppy So the newscasters invade his room Until some pigs cause some Mexican deaths And influenza is portrayed as doom There's a panic as schools close for the month And when one camper's sickness is viewed You can bet the epidemic is hyperbole With all of the wrong dudes So the world is rotten The economy's not all that's poor There's things going wrong with the government There's things going wrong with the war We must act or be acted upon We can't just complain about life If we keep our heads up We can get closer to eliminating strife And as long as the Umpire does his job We can believe that change will come through But I would be much happier to live Without all of the wrong dudes.