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• Artiste: Kevin Tuffy
• Titre: Oh Dearest Daughter
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It all starts in a fast-food joint of Biblical proportion, In a small toilet that makes love some kind of astounding contortion, Although it isn't noisy Oh the love it speaks volumes, Kebabs and burgers a million miles away Just four foot from the bathroom, She's beautiful and radiant There's two of her she's blurry, He's nameless knight-in-shining-armour he said he's working early, He said he'd walk her to the bus stop Said she'd catch the N11 He said that the ladder in her tights was a stairway to heaven, She threw up in the car park, oh her head it is a-pounding, He held her hair from her face joked "shall I get another round in?" She won't remember that he said that - won't remember much in the morning, She'll be pregnant and nine months away from the hospital her daughter will be born in, And she'll cry her little heart out She'll curse the vodka lemonade conception, She'll curse fast-food joints and alcohol Her life and his erection And she'll mutter hatred and regret directed at her newborn She'll hate herself for not deciding to go with an abortion She comfort-buys a pram a pop star had in the newspaper She takes a photo of her daughter on her phone as the wallpaper, And she names her after the supermodel who looked best this season She plans out her christening, the priest asks why she has no reason, Because she does not care for the God she heard about in conversation There's no guardian angel leaving her signs in the time board at the train station Her purpose for existence isn't etched into the tree outside her house So her guardian angel doesn't do their job and should have been fired by now Her daughter is angelic and nauseating at the same time She personifies her big mistake and breaks her heart with a smile Reluctant grandma says it's time for a break a night out with the girls So it's hair straighteners and gloss and make-up squeezing into that short skirt It's music lights and dancing, Fake IDs, queues at the bar, Rums and cokes, laughing fit blokes, and twenties from her bra When her stare finds a familiar stranger, playing pool, potting a red She knows that face those eyes but she can't remember from where He walks over London Pride in hand gives her a grin a wink, He drops her a cheesy "Don't I know you?" line and she's still trying to think, She figures it out, she wants to die, The room blacks out it's 10:07 The remnants of a "Is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven?" 10:08 and all the time she's lost because of the boy sitting next to her, She reaches for her purse to take out the photo of her daughter, He ponders, thinks, says: "Hey she's cute, What is she, your sister? You're cute, too" and he's away leaning in to kiss her, 10:09 "No, stop it! Can't you fucking remember The drunk girl you slurred I love you to in West Kebab last December, Like it or not you're this girl's dad, This girl she's your daughter, Get your hand off my shoulder I need a glass of water" And the parents of a young Londoner sit and have nothing to say, Welcome to the world, would be a start. We're ready to bring you up the right way...