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• Artiste: John Cooper Clarke
• Titre: Kung Fu International
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Outside the take-away, Saturday night a bald adolescent, asks me out for a fight He was no bigger than a two-penny fart he was a deft exponent of the martial art He gave me three warnings: Trod on me toes, stuck his fingers in my eyes and kicked me in the nose A rabbit punch made me eyes explode My head went dead, I fell in the road I pleaded for mercy I wriggled on the ground he kicked me in the balls and said something profound Gave my face the millimetre tread Stole me chop suey and left me for dead Through rivers of blood and splintered bones I crawled half a mile to the public telephone pulled the corpse out the call box, held back the bile and with a broken index finger, I proceeded to dial I couldn't get an ambulance the phone was screwed The receiver fell in half it had been kung fu'd A black belt karate cop opened up the door demanding information about the stiff on the floor he looked like an extra from Yang Shang Po he said “What's all this then ah so, ah so, ah so.” he wore a bamboo mask he was gen'ned on zen He finished his devotions and he beat me up again Thanks to that embryonic Bruce Lee I'm a shadow of the person that I used to be I can't go back to Salford the cops have got me marked Enter the Dragon Exit Johnny Clarke