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• Artiste: Decayed Souls
• Titre: Book Boyfriends
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Yeah This one's about my wife And her infinite men Her Kindle's basically a brothel at this point My wife ain't cheating— But her Kindle sure is 'Cause she's got thirty fake dudes All calling her "miss." There's a fae king, a wolf shifter A demon on deck And a vampire who's somehow Always kissing her neck She laughs, kicks her feet Gets all blushy and warm— While I'm in the kitchen Fighting Tupperware like a storm I'm like, "Babe, you good?" She's like, "OMG—WAIT— The orc just picked her up Like she's his fated mate!" Girl How I'm supposed to compete with that?! These dudes got wings, tattoos And stamina stats Meanwhile I'm over here With back pain and snacks My wife got book boyfriends Lined up in rows— She could start a damn army With the men she chose Every night she's like: "Omg, new toy!" And I'm just standing here like "Girl what about your boy?" She got a harem A whole damn crew— Six in every book And she reads book two She don't need reality She got her joys— A library full Of delicious boy toys Look babe Don't take it so rough— Just 'cause my book men Are a little more buff They got claws, magic, fangs Torsos carved like art— You got dad jokes, snack crumbs And a good heart Which is cute! But these men be like: "My queen, my mate Let me worship you all night With unholy fate." Meanwhile you're like "Babe, wanna DoorDash fries?" I love you, boo But these men got thighs She'll finish a series And swear she's fine— Then thirty minutes later She's got a new man online I ask "Who's he?" She says, "Oh—just a prince" Then shows me a cover With a dude who's all rinse—and—ripped She says, "Babe, he's sweet And he calls her his treasure." Girl, if I talked like that You'd call 911 for pressure But hey— If she's happy With her little book clan I guess I'm okay Being boyfriend number (Turns page) Damn—TEN?! My wife got book boyfriends Stuffed in her brain— I swear if they paid rent We'd be rollin' in gain She dimples, giggles Screams "OH MY GOD!" While I'm just sitting there Feeling oddly flawed She got a harem A magical squad— Each one built like A Roman Greek god She don't need reality She got her joys— Stacked like Jenga With her pretty boy toys Look babe I get it They're fictional! Don't cry I'm not crying—just heavily hydrated in the eye You'll always be my main character, babe Until the next series drops Probably