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• Artiste: Tom Cardy
• Titre: Get Louis Theroux It
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Self-help talks, money walks Everybody wants to change with a two week course If ya like me you need a little trick Cause you're currently shit at dealing with conflict Don't start a fight but don't avoid everything in life You've gotta get it just right Here's your solution A role model for your conflict resolution Superman: too fictitious And laser vision is a little too vicious Jesus Christ: yes turn the other cheek But if done every time it gets me beat You need a 6'2 bespectacled Motherfucker who won't suffer no fool He's a big bad dog from the BBC And he won't break eye contact with a Nazi You're in charge, you can do it Just get Louis Theroux it You're in charge, you can do it Just get Louis, g-g-g-get Louis You're in charge, you can do it Just get Louis, get Louis Don't get scared but don't pursue it Get Louis, get Louis "Hey nice shirt asshole" I couldn't help but feel there'd been a communication breakdown between the random man that'd shouted at me on the street and myself "What the fuck is that, who's speaking right now?" "Shut up" I regret that I had lost my temper. "I apologize for shouting in anger" But my hopes were through genuine discourse we could dissolve the tension that had grown between us Step 1: Ask a question, make it surprisingly genuine "Do you feel the need to comment on other people's shirts because you know your own shirt is shit?" Step 2: Don't react, don't retract but don't attack There's only one rule from here on out Keep eye contact Even when they leave Even when they sleep Make sure that you are the one that's staring at them in their dreams You're in charge, you can do it Ask a question, keep control Get Louis, get Louis Stare into their mortal soul You're in charge, you can do it Invade their mind while they're unconscious Feast upon their weak subconscious Upon invading the dreams of my most recent victim I'd begun to feel my host body had become quarrelsome and resistant "Hello? Who's speaking?" I am me. I am you. You are me. We are Louis "I don't care. Who-why-why is- oh my god what did you do to him?" I am Louis. I am Louis. I am Louis. I was beginning to feel- "No! No beginning to feel, no reflective gonzo journalism, and no demonic possession!" I am Louis "Louis was meant to resolve conflict, you're just creating more pain." There is no pain. NO HURT. There can be no suffering if there is only Louis. I am Louis. I am Louis. This is your house, is it? "Stop it now, this is too niche a content!" Silence mortal. You have invoked Louis within your own mind, and for that there is no content too niche, no reference too obscure, no logical progression of joke too stupid and absurd. With thyne eyes we see all. Every conceivable past, every possible future, and every 12 year old neo-Nazi, female bodybuilder, ultra zionist, and westboro baptist member that dares meet our gaze will join our fold as sure as you yourself shall be Louis I was beginning to feel omnipotent You're in charge, you can do it Deal with conflict, treat them kind Get Louis, get Louis Hold their soul and bend their mind You're in charge, you can do it You can set up your own rhyme When you see through all space and time You're in charge, you can do it Get Louis, get Louis