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Artiste:
Hobo Johnson
Titre:
You & The Cockroach
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One day there's just a cool floating rock, right And on this rock there’s an ocean And at the bottom of the ocean There's an amoeba, they're very small And after millions of years the amoebas Get bigger and they start turning into fish, right And they turn into fish, and After millions of years of that One of these fish he just, "You know fuck it I’m tired of the ocean, the ocean fucking sucks" So he gets some feet and he crawls out of the ocean, right And when he crawls out of the ocean He sees a female fish, right And he's like "Oh shit whaddup, what's going on? Like, how you doing today?" So then, the fucking female fish is like "Oh pretty good" So they mate, right And millions of years of that, and The babies get bigger and they start standing upright, right They start standing upright and they get bigger, and Their brains get bigger, and They start understanding these concepts, right And one of these concepts is that they're gonna die, and How scary it is you know, to just not have anything at all That is really the scariest thing that I think of So they create this thing called religion, because That's the only thing that makes you, you know Not afraid of dying, right So when this religion happens they create other religions, and There's competing religions, and with Those religions come conflict, and With conflict becomes the need to Build walls and do shit like that, and So with that comes the need to build governments And with these governments, you know Just more conflict ensues So one day there's this president, right He's got orange hair to the side like this Orange skin, little sausage fingers right, or whatever Just an overall weird looking dude So then on the other side of the world There’s another president, dictator Whatever you want to call him He looks weirdly similar when you think about it Bowl cut, stubby fingers, pretty short, kinda chubby, right So they just start bickering over and over again, right And they start fighting and then one day This presidents like "You know what, I’m So fucking tired of this guy" right, and he's like "You know this guy’s just so dumb and stupid, and I just wanna blow his country up" And the other guy's like "I'm gonna blow your country up Well, cuz, we're just bickering like fucking children" So the one day he’s just like, he just fucking does it, right He presses the button, right And he presses the button and then it just goes Bang, bang, and it blows him up And everybody dies And It's really fucked up, it's really fucked up But what's the only thing that Survives a nuclear explosion? Everyone say it... Cockroaches! So the only thing that survives is cockroaches, right So these cockroaches start roaming around This barren fucking wasteland, and After millions of years they get bigger, and They start standing upright, right And their brains get big enough to Start understanding these concepts, right And one of the concepts is that they're gonna die, right And that's so fucking scary, right So they create this thing called religion With more religion comes Conflict! And with said conflict comes the need to build walls, and With the need to build walls come government, right And with that it just all falls again, right So then one day there's this cockroach president, right He's got fucking, orange hair and stubby fingers, right And there's this other cockroach president On the other side of the world, and They start bickering like children, cuz That's just what seems to happen, and history repeats itself So one day this presidents like "You know what, I'm Just gonna blow this guy the fuck up" But then, they can't die from nukes Because they're cockroaches So then he builds a bomb, and On the end of it is a giant fucking shoe And it blows him up, a shoe What's the only thing that kills cockroaches? Shoes