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• Artiste: Les Misérables
• Titre: Master of the house
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DRINKER 3 Come on you old pest DRINKER 2 Fetch a bottle of your best DRINKER 1 What's the nectar of the day? THÉNARDIER (coming in with a flask of wine.) Here, try this lot Guaranteed to hit the spot Or I'm not Thénardier. DRINKERS Gissa glass of rum! Landlord, over here! THÉNARDIER Right away, you scum (to himself) Right away, M'sieur. (to customer) DINER 1 God this place has gone to hell DINER 2 So you tell me every year. DRINKER 6 Mine host Thénardier He was there, so they say, At the field of Waterloo. DRINKER 7 Got there, it's true When the fight was all through DRINKER 1 But he knew just what to do Crawling through the mud So I've heard it said Picking through the pockets of the English dead DRINKER 8 He made a tidy score From the spoils of war. THÉNARDIER My band of sokas My den of dissolutes My dirty jokes, my always pissed as newts. My sons of whores Spent their lives in my inn Homing pigeons homing in They fly through my doors And their money's as good as yours. DINER 1 Aind't got a clue What he put into this stew Must've scraped it off the street. DINER 2 God, what a wine! Chateau Neuf de Turpentine Must've pressed it with his feet. DRINKERS Landlord, over here! Where's the bloody man? One more for the roas? Thénardier, one more slug o' gin. GIRL Just one more, or my old man is gonna do me in. THÉNARDIER (getting a new costumer.) Welcome, M'sieur Sit yourself down And meet the best Innkeeper in town. As for the rest, All of them crooks Rooking their guests And cooking the books. Seldom do you see Honest men like me A gent of good intent Who's content to be Master of the house Doling out the charm Ready with a handshake And an open palm Tells a saucy tale Makes a little stir Customers appreciate a bon-viveur Gald to do a friend a favour Doesn't cost me to be nice But nothing gets you nothing Everything has got a little price! Master of the hous Keeper of the zoo Ready to relieve 'em Of a sou, or two Watering the wine Making up the weight Pickin' up their knick-knacks When they can't see straight Everybody loves a landlord Everybody's bosom friend I do whatever pleases Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end! THÉNARDIER & CHORUS Master of the house Quick to catch yer eye Never wants a passer-by To pass him by. Servant to the poor Butler to the great Comforter, philosopher And lifelong mate! Everybody's boon companion Everybody's chaperone THÉNARDIER But lock up your valises Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone! TO ANOTHER COSTUMER Enter M'sieur Lay down yer load Unlcer yer boots And rest from the road. TAKING HIS BAG. This weights a ton Travel's a curse But here we strive To lighten your purse. Here the groose is cooked Here the fat is fried And nothing's overlooked Till I'm satisfied... Food beyond compare Food beyond belief Mix it in a mincer And pretend it's beef. Kidney of a horse Liver of a cat Filling up the saussages With this and that! Residents are more than welcome Bridal suit is occupied! Reasonable charges Plus some little extras on the side! Charge 'em for the lice Extra for the mice Two per cent for looking in the mirror Twice. Here a little slice There a little cut Three per cent for sleeping with the window shut. When it comes to fixing prices There are lots of tricks he knows How it all increases All those bits and pieces Jesus! It's amazing how it grows! THÉNARDIER & CHORUS Master of the house Quick to catch your eye Never wants a passer-by to pass him by Servant to the poor Butler to the great Comforter, philosopher And life-long mate Everybody's boon companion Gives 'em everything he's got. THÉNARDIER Dirty bunch of geezers Jesus! What a sorry little lot! MADAME THÉNARDIER I used to dream That I would meet a prince. But God Almighty, Have you seen what's happened since? 'Maseter of the house'? Isn't worth me spit! 'Comforter, philosopher' - and lifelong shit! Cunning little brain Regular Voltaire Thinks he's quite a lover But there's not much there. What a cruel trick of nature Landed me with such a louse God knows how I've lasted Living with this bastard in the house! THÉNARDIER & CHORUS Master of the house. MME. THÉNARDIER Master and a half! THÉNARDIER & CHORUS Comforter, philosopher. MME. THÉNARDIER Don't make me lough! THÉNARDIER & CHORUS Servant to the poor Butler to the great. MME. THÉNARDIER Hyprocrite and toady And inebriate! THÉNARDIER & CHORUS Everybody bless the landlord! Everybody bless his spouse. THÉNARDIER Everybody raise a glass. MME. THÉNARDIER Raise it up the master's arse. ALL Everybody raise a glass ter the master of the house.