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• Artiste: Stephen Colbert
• Titre: Can I Interest You in Hannukah?
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Jon: Can I interest you in Hannukah? Maybe something in a Festival of Lights It's a sensible alternative to Christmas And it last for seven-- For you?-- Eight nights... Stephen: Hannukah, huh? I've never really thought about it... Jon: Well, you could do worse. Stephen: Is it merry? Jon: ...It's kind of merry. Stephen: Is it cheery? Jon: ...It's got some cheer. Stephen: Is it jolly? Jon: Look, I wouldn't know from "jolly" But it's not my least unfavorite time of year Stephen: When's it start? Jon: On the 25th! Stephen: Of December!? Jon: ...Kislev. Stephen: Which is when exactly? Jon: ...I will check. Stephen: Are there presents? Jon: Yes indeed, eight days of presents. Which means one nice one, then a week of dreck... Stephen: Does Hannukah commemorate Events profound and holy? A King who came to save the world? Jon: No. Oil that burned quite slowly... Stephen: Well, it sounds fantastic! Jon: There's more! We have latkes! Stephen: What are they? Jon: Potato pancakes. We have dreidels! Stephen: What are they? Jon: Wooden tops. We have candles! Stephen: What are they? Jon: THEY ARE CANDLES! And, when we light them Oh, the fun it never stops! Jon: Whaddaya say, Stephen, you wanna give Hannukah a try? Stephen: I'm trying to see me as a Jew... I'm trying even harder... But I believe in Jesus Christ So it's a real non-starter... Jon: I can't interest you...in Hannukah? Just a little bit? Stephen: No thanks, I'll pass I'll keep Jesus, you keep your potato pancakes But I hope that you enjoy 'em On behalf of all the goyim Jon: Be sure to tell the Pontiff My people say, "Good Yontiff" Stephen: That's exactly what I'll do Stephen & Jon: Happy holidays!... Jon: You too! Stephen (same time as Jon): You Jew!